My Struggle with "Community".

Community. (Webster): an interacting population of various kinds of individuals in a common location.

From the second grade to the middle of the 9^th, I lived in the same town with the same friends—going through school, activities and social stages together. It was a strong, healthy foundation for growth. I had very close friends and excelled in school, band, drill team and social situations.

Then that changed.

Literally, not figuratively, a tornado hit our house. We lived on the outskirts of town in a tiny old house—and wouldn’t you know that a tornado that came to our area hit our house!?

That experience in itself is remarkable and strategic. Enough of our roof was compromised that it was raining in my bedroom. I slept through the initial impact, but awakened to find water coming in, the windows imploded and my mother setting out pots to collect water as an act of panic.  (Of course that was futile.)  A crater in the dirt just beyond our doorstep revealed where the tornado dipped to the ground. In addition to roof damage, our water well was destroyed. Being poor, we did not have the money to replace the pump on the well and could not continue living there. 

Dad was already traveling to other towns to make a living -- not finding decent pay for work in our town. With our house destroyed, we began moving around with him. 

This is where my sense of community was hijacked.

I attended six high schools in less than three years. Right at the critical point of growing and maturing in a place of accountability and social stability, my world spun. Yep, like a tornado.

Being an introvert by nature, I learned how to extrovert enough to meet people and establish myself in a group immediately. I wasn’t picky. I was a social chameleon. At each school, I associated with different crowds of people depending on who took me in first: partiers (although I didn’t ‘party’--well, kinda...it was the 70s), academic buddies, rodeo goers, beach lovers, ‘social’ kids.  I was everything.  I was lost.  But I was among the functioning—even excelling—lost.

This is not a long blog post about my path through adolescence but rather my journey to understand how I relate to community.

I had a lovely counselor a few years ago that identified that because of my chopped up teen years, I did not learn how to contribute to community. I knew I needed to belong to ‘someone’ while I was there, but I did not see that I was needed. Therefore, I did not invest. Knowing we would move in 5 months, what was I supposed to do? 

The other thing my counselor identified was the benefit of how I stayed in touch with the friends I left behind at my original high school.  I sent hand-written letters to over 20 people EACH WEEK; sharing with them about my life and things that were happening in my family, etc. This was before the days of copy machines and word processing, PCs, and free long-distance calling, so I was handwriting the same thing over and over again each week. Basically, I was super-journaling! And through this process of thinking, writing and relating, I was able to emotionally process all the change that was happening.  I didn’t understand the therapeutic benefit at the time!

Moving so often set up a critical pattern of social development in me. I learned how to identify and belong to different kinds of groups—but I didn’t learn how to be known.  Really known.  I was friendly, caring and interested…but guarded.  As an adult, I had another opportunity to live in a town for a long time that challenged this pattern and I enjoyed about 20 years of relational exchange that was very healthy. It was my do-over. :)

Since then, a few heavy life blows came my way and I experienced extreme set back on how to relate again. A tornado in life "hit my house and disabled my well beyond my ability to repair it on my own". 

I need you. 

I am still learning how to move past the shell. 

Just yesterday, I was asking the Lord to crack open any remaining false wall around me and He quickly brought the scripture to mind:  Matthew 5: 15 “Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” God help us to open up to each other. To be fearlessly known. To fearlessly love.

I love the scripture of the disciples praying and hiding for fear in a locked room and Jesus appeared in the room after His resurrection. (John 20: 26)  Fear is a locked room.  Jesus will appear where we are hiding if we invite him. He found and called Gideon when he was hiding. (Judges 6:12) He has the key to our locked rooms.

I am understanding, again, that to enjoy community—you cannot be afraid of being known. You will only enjoy and benefit from community if you are willing to be known. And God will only be glorified when your light shines so others can see your good works and glorify the Father who is working through you.

We live in a society of secrets. A culture that lacks trust. People are afraid of being judged and misunderstood. We in the Lord must have the courage and humility to be known.

It’s funny—but even in my design business, I prefer to do all the design work ALONE--while the client is not at home! I prefer to let the client walk in to enjoy the finished work.  With God’s sense of humor, many of my recent projects have not worked that way! I have learned to do the work while the client is watching! Dudley teased me when I first had the Driskill holiday décor project. He said, “How are you going to get the entire hotel to evacuate so you can get this design done?” hahaha  BUSTED.

When I go to a social situation, it is an excruciating process. A million excuses can go through my mind as to why I should avoid it. I fight to get to the other side—and I am always glad that I do!

And so, here is my little life. I can’t wait until I get it all together before I let you in. Come on into my messy place and see how good God is---right where I am. It’s not all pretty, but it is glorious. 

I love you, my sweet community.  

(Wait!! Don’t come over here right now!! I am wearing sweats, have no makeup on and my deck is covered in pollen. )

(A leader in our church community replied to this blog with this song (below). Amazing anti-community song from the 70s! Pretty much sums up how one can be walled-off. Wow!)

http://youtu.be/JKlSVNxLB-A

Love,
Marcie Elliott-Smith