Cocoon. Not Collapse.

I have these sudden bursts of the need for solitude that overtake me from time to time. I get the feeling that in order to survive, I must retreat. I call it cocooning.

This process is not new to me, so I have given it a lot of thought. 

First of all, I find that this desperate need comes from not taking care of myself as I ought.  I’m doing too much, extending myself too much emotionally, carrying the concern for things I cannot control or even influence, or entertaining strife on a soul-level. There can be other things but mostly my times have those common themes. Oh, and repressed grief. Yeah, that’s a beast. Basically, it boils down to me not maintaining personal peace---and then I feel I have to emotionally disappear to accomplish a ‘reboot’.  It is detox cocooning.

 

(I really want one of these. Don't you think I could suspend it from our lower deck? 

 

I kinda think I need it...)

 

 

One thing I am learning is not to ‘believe my own thoughts’ during a detox cocooning period.

 

Because I am emotionally spent, my thinking is not healthy. I also need to be careful about what I take in during that time. For instance---I need to read good things, avoid heavy movies, walk in the sunshine and replace the negative thought-streaming with God’s truths.

Another thing of which I am keenly aware is the importance of respecting the cocoon as a process that prevents collapse. While I know the higher road of self-care would be to take better care of myself along the way, I respect this mechanism now for what it is: healing. Intensive care.

Cocooning is not easy. It is a struggle and it is also a struggle for those who love cocoon-ers. My husband sees the cocoon begin to thicken and he respects the solitude I am headed for because he knows it is healing for me. For him to respect my process requires a great deal of trust. He trusts me to use the time to struggle for strength and not sink into a dark place.

People know not to squash a cocoon when they see one. There is a life inside and beauty is coming. But it is also OK to watch… because there will be progress… and it is OK to guard the cocoon from predators. In fact, it is good to have a Watcher (prayer support).

We have a responsibility to keep going. I read a wonderful encouragement recently "There are a lot of people on the other side of your obedience."

2 Samuel 17:16  “Now send a message at once and tell David, ‘Do not spend the night at the fords in the wilderness; cross over without fail, or the king and all the people with him will be swallowed up.’”

The struggle to emerge begins almost as soon as I realize cocooning is upon me. I have a personal commitment to live. I let people know I need prayer. 

For any of you who may cocoon (yes, it is a verb in my world), you have a responsibility to those who love you. While cocooning can be a healthy re-charging, rebooting process—people in your life need to know you are not shutting down, avoiding life in an unhealthy way, emotionally punishing by withdrawal or various other passive-aggressive, toxic practices.

Cocooning is NOT those things. 

Remind yourself of the goal!

Cocooning is retreating to heal, reflect and course-correct.

One of my goals as the time of emergence is close and clarity is better—I seek to know what precipitated the need for that particular cocoon. I make note of it, journal the process, compare it to other seasons to see if there is a pattern I need to address---and I rejoice at God’s faithfulness in teaching me, protecting me and loving me.

Cocooning. The Struggle Is Real.  :)

 

  From "EMERGENCY!" to "EMERGENCE!"

 

P.S. If you struggle with depression, please seek help. This post is not encouraging depressive isolation which is not helpful.  Don't believe the lie that no one understands. Many of us do. Call someone. :)