Social and Personal Stigma

stig·ma

noun: stigma

• a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.
• a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people have about something; often resulting in shame-based thinking and belief system
• a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one's reputation

I have had several things in life that stigmatized me and I know the crippling effect it can have-- if it becomes something you deeply believe about yourself; something that becomes your TRUTH.

Proverbs 23: 7 "As a man thinks in his heart; so is he."

I was raised poor. There are no other ways to say it. It is not that we didn't have ANYthing. We had significantly LESS than others and what we had was not 'good stuff'. 

I was a kid of the 60s and 70s. The world was moving quickly. Regardless of the advances in society, science and the world--it did not feel that way for me.

Man had been to and on the moon...but there were times when our household didn't have a TV, radio or telephone. We couldn't afford it.

We ate hot dogs, chicken (from our 'farm'), spaghetti, and cheese/mustard sauce over crackers. Occasionally there would be a pie. (Those days were heaven.) Once in a while, we could have a Coke.  My mother did ironing for the owners of a country store to pay for our grocery bill. Add to that...we had ratty, not-dependable family cars. Oh my Lord....the cars....

Why do I say all this? Because I let it define me. It's not just that we were poor. I felt painfully DIFFERENT. 

Even worse:  LESS. 

This is my childhood home:



This is a photo taken a few years go--but it wasn't much better 'back in the day'. There used to be more trees, a cover over the porch and it was painted white. *sigh* It was the best we could do.

In contrast, my friends had wall-to-wall carpeting, central air and heat and didn't have a wood stove in middle of the living room.

I was told we didn't have money and would never go to college.

So, I didn't. I remember the day Mom told me that. It felt like air was being let out of a balloon; in her AND me. Mostly--in her. She wanted 'better' for us and was conceding that she couldn't provide it. I didn't know about options or how to work through the college years. Having gone to 6 high schools, I didn't even understand there were counselors who could have helped me.

To launch into adult life with the stigmas of being poor and no college education -- can be absolutely crippling----if you BELIEVE you are "less".

I am so excited my sister and brother went on to higher education--for my brother, at his own expense and as a young father.

I crouched under the shadow of those things for so many decades, I have no idea what my life could have been like with positive, goal-setting, empowering mentoring!

What are your stigmas? What marked you as different or 'less'? Abuse? I had that one, too. Beaten, molested, threatened, afraid. I was a DEPRESSED adolescent.

Were your parents divorced? Did that mark you in your soul as 'less'--even though many have experienced the same thing? Were you lonely in your own experience?--even though it was common in others your age?

There are so many stigmas. Body type. Skin color. Past behavior you can't seem to 'live down'. Mental struggles. Judgment for taking necessary meds. What part of town you live in and what kind of car you drive! Being raised by one parent. Having a parent with poor behavior. Family reputation. Problems in school.

The pressures and world standards are out of control!  Even less tolerable is for any of this to be perpetuated in the Body of Christ.

The human tendency to compare ourselves to other people is RELENTLESS!

I love the following scripture on the subject of comparisons--and I LOVE how many times the word 'themselves' is used! haha  :)

2 Corinthians 10: 12  For we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.

(Don't you ache to see this written in Southern-ese? "Y'all quit lookin' to those people to find out who you should be and all y'all stop comparing all y'alls selves to all y'alls selves.")

Is there ANY negative definition from your formative years that has served as a ball and chain for your progress?

Identify it. Find someone to grieve with you as you let it go. Pray it through to healing. Identify with your new life.

God has a way of moving these painful pasts OUT of our present of promise---putting them into perspective and setting you free.

Instead of being a driving force of restriction, what was once negative stigma takes its place as part of your story so you can encourage others and at the same time be launched into YOUR life.

Another trap in this is the determination to go from STIGMA to STATUS. It doesn't matter if all the external stigmas are changed and set right if the heart is not healed. Insecurity will plague the soul and rob the joy of any progress in spite of the accolades of the world and society. Certainly a negative outcome would be to develop an idol of STATUS.

"Lord, help us leave everything behind about the definitions of the world and its system. Help us to embrace Your ways and Your thoughts which are higher. We forgive those who wounded us and left their mark. Please heal our scars and comfort our lonely places. Fill us and complete us and help us seek a humble, powerful walk with You. Rain on us and soak us in Your love!!"

Funny thing about God's healing. I now tell stories about my childhood as though they are tiny snippets of the best story EVER. The sting has been taken out and now my past 
"it is what it is":
A story of the redemptive power of Christ.

The memories of my life once 'stung' me ... over and over ... with painful regret and horrible feelings. There was death in the wounds. Now they've been washed.

"O death, where is your sting? ... The sting of
death is sin... But thanks be to God,
which gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
(I Corinthians 15:55-57)